The Dad’s Dilemma: On Fatherhood, Burnout, and Breaking the Silence
Written by DANIEL ARAGON, MA, MFTC
The Weight Fathers Carry
Nearly half of all fathers in the United States report experiencing burnout. Not tiredness or a rough week. Burnout is defined as the kind of chronic stress and exhaustion that overwhelms your ability to function (American Heart Association, 2024). Most of them have not told anyone about it.
That does not surprise me. Nationally, 77% of men have experienced symptoms of anxiety, stress, or depression, yet 40% have never spoken to anyone about their mental health (Anxiety and Depression Association of America). Here in Colorado, we ranked 50th in the nation for overall mental health in 2025. Data from our state’s 988 crisis line shows that among Latino callers, 80% are men. They are reaching out. They just have not had enough places to land.
This is not a crisis that came out of nowhere. It is the result of generations of men and fathers being told, in both spoken and unspoken ways, that their job is to provide and keep moving. That struggling quietly is strength. That asking for help is something else.
What Culture Taught Us About Asking for Help
In many communities of color, the expectation that men must be emotionally restrained and self-sufficient is not just pressure you feel. It is documented. Research published in Psychiatric Clinics of North America identifies machismo, the ideology that ties masculinity to stoicism and provision, as a direct barrier to Latino men seeking mental health care (2023).
NAMI reports that only 35.1% of Hispanic/Latino adults with mental illness receive treatment each year, compared to a national average of 46.2%. The gap is not about need. It is about what has been made acceptable, accessible, and safe.
Parenting is not to be taken lightly, and it is a role that deserves the highest respect. Which is exactly why we have to talk about what it costs fathers to carry it in silence.
What a Father’s Mental Health Actually Costs
The consequences do not stay with the father. Children whose fathers reported depressive symptoms at age 5 were significantly more likely to exhibit restlessness, defiance, anger, and lower self-esteem by age 9, according to a landmark study from Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School (2025). And in one national study, only 3.2% of fathers sought mental health counseling, even when they were experiencing depression, anxiety, or significant parenting stress (Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study). Think about that number. Three point two percent.
A father’s mental health does not stay inside him. It moves through the household, shaping who his children become, and this has been the sad reality for generations.
Why I Do This Work
I know this not just from research. I know it from living it.
I am a first-generation college graduate who spent years working in the criminal justice system before becoming a therapist. I have sat across from a lot of men who were carrying more than they could hold and had nowhere to put it. I recognized them because I have been one of them. I have also worked in residential care with adolescents whose fathers have experienced similar burnout and have lost everything.
In a single calendar year, I went through divorce, the death of my closest cousin, and a DWAI that wrapped the year up in a way I never expected. It humbled me to a level I could have never imagined, but it also made me reflect. Who am I at this point, and what do I want to tell my children when the time comes? Right then and there, I realized that my career in the court system was not my permanent calling. I was going to return to the field where I earned my degrees and help those in mental and emotional need.
Realizing I needed an outlet was the first step, but not the hardest. The hardest step was looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself that I cannot fold now, and that I will use any bottled-up energy and emotions to carve out a future for myself and, most importantly, my children. Nothing is more rewarding to me than fatherhood, but I learned quickly that I am no good to anybody if I am not in a good place mentally and physically. I want my children to see what it looks like when a man decides his kids will not inherit his silence.
This is not just my story. The Colorado Department of Early Childhood recently invested $ 7.5 million in a statewide fatherhood program because the need is real, and support has not been there. That investment matters, but it is not enough on its own. What fathers in our community also need is a place to be honest about what fatherhood actually asks of them.
Breaking the mental health stigma for men, specifically fathers, has been my driving force for quite some time. I can only speak to and share my experiences — I am not suggesting a father's role is more important than a mother's or any other caregiver's. All of them deserve respect and support. But this is the lane I know best, and I want to help fathers be the first in their families to break the generational pattern that says expressing emotions makes you weak. I have been knocked down plenty of times. Remaining "locked in" is my rallying cry.
A Place for Fathers:
That is what The Dad’s Dilemma Workshop is about. A 90-minute conversation for fathers on Tuesday, April 28th at 1 pm at Life-Line Academy in Denver. We will talk about burnout, the pressure to provide, the cultural weight that keeps men silent, and what it looks like to start doing something different. Pay what you can (Free-$20). Sign up here.
Programs and Support for Dads in Denver and Colorado
988 Colorado Mental Health Line
Call or text 988 anytime. Free, confidential, and available in English and Spanish. This is not just a crisis line. It is for anyone who needs to talk.
Colorado Crisis Services
Walk-in locations across the Denver metro.
Colorado Fatherhood Program
Free workshops, one-on-one support, and parenting resources for dads across the state. Seven programs, nine locations statewide.
childsupport.state.co.us/support-colorado-dads
Colorado Fatherhood Network
Connects fathers to peer support, local programs, and resources across Colorado.
cofamilycenters.org/fatherhood-initiative
Nurturing Fathers (Colorado Department of Early Childhood)
A 13-week group program built specifically for men in a fatherhood role. Available through agencies across Colorado.
Denver Human Services Fatherhood Program
Free parenting education, peer mentorship, and fatherhood support for Denver dads.
denvergov.org (search: Fatherhood Program)
Center for African American Health (CAA Health)
Denver-based organization offering the 24/7 Dad program, an evidence-based fatherhood program focused on emotional literacy, stress management, and building stronger relationships with your kids. Also runs Barbershop Talks, a community space for men to have real conversations about health and wellbeing.
HeyDenver.org
A Denver-specific mental health resource directory including low-cost, Spanish-language, and culturally specific options.
heydenver.org/mental-health-resources
Mental Health Colorado
A statewide nonprofit with a resource hub that includes directories for culturally specific care, Spanish-language resources, and community mental health organizations.
NAMI Denver
The Denver chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Visit the site for support groups, education programs, and crisis information.
Sources: Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson Medical School (2025); American Heart Association (2024); Anxiety and Depression Association of America; NAMI; Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study (PubMed, 2015); Psychiatric Clinics of North America (2023); Colorado 988 Crisis Line data (2025); Colorado Department of Early Childhood; Mental Wellness America / MHA 2025 State Rankings.